Follow the Rabbit

My entire life I have lived in comparisons to others.  How can I be more like my parents, siblings, friends, religious leaders, wealthy people, movie stars, popular people, on and on, into infinity.  I’ve been so caught up in my stories about others I’ve forgotten who I am.  Now, I enter a slow and gradual process of remembering through mindfulness.

First I must observe how I relate to experience, and unravel the riddles of “not-self.”  Meditation and skillful action serve as a mirror for constant reflection and self assessment.  After all, the actions I take and choose are fundamentally, who I am.  Furthermore, the best part about that truth, I can change, I can choose, I am the power, me, Dean!

Still, who the hell is Dean?  Who is this person I’ve hidden for so long?  The truth is I have no idea.  I’ve been trying too hard to be what I thought others wanted.  So, I need to familiarize myself with what I like, what I desire.  Now, there are a few basic things I do know about myself: I love a challenge, I don’t give up easily, and I want to be happy.  Knowing those three things is a dam good start!

I’ve been pretty obsessed with the idea of becoming a spiritual teacher or even a monk.  But all that would be putting the cart before the horse.  If, I’ve learned anything from Buddhism it is to focus on the causes of the desired result I wish to achieve, not the other way around.  Hell, even strength training and fitness have taught me that.  Skillful action (virtue), meditation (concentration), then be patient and watch what happens.  I am determined to find out where the Buddha’s path leads.  I suppose this means that I really want to become an Arahant.  But, will I be able to do what the path requires to achieve this in my lifetime?  I don’t know.  But, I do intend to find out.  “Curiouser and curiouser,” indeed my friends!