Myself

It is hard to figure out where I am in this intense wilderness of my mind, let alone be where I am.  I’ve spent most of my life negating who I was in hopes to become something more impressive to the fractured world around me.  Gentleness and curiosity were quickly traded for harsh resentment at a very young age.  It served to make me more, “normal,” and fractured like the world, compartmentalizing everything; denying the bonds that link the all together.

First, I must stop blaming the world for my shortcomings.  The world will be what it is, and I will still choose to see it how I wish.  Choice is a very funny thing.  I never thought I'd meet my worst enemy by sitting alone with myself, quietly.  I still don’t know my enemy/self too well.  But, I don’t have to know everything about my enemy, or even love him, to wish him well.

Patience, endurance and more control over my speech are the biggest obstacles in my way at this time.  I can see it all too clearly in the way I relate to myself.  The voices that come up when I try to motivate myself are very cruel and impatient.  That is why it so important that I practice with everyone else, what I wish to practice with myself.

Dear Self,

I am sorry I’ve resented you for so long.  I am sorry for the way I belittle you, disrespect you, and even ignore you.  I didn’t know any better.  I thought it was wise to separate myself from you.  I don’t expect you to like me or forgive me over night.  However, whether we like it or not.  We are in this together!

Sincerely,


Myself

P.S. I've heard rumors that you ain't all that bad. :)