Infidelity

What is the common factor that causes people to cheat on their partner?

I trust that most will find a complex answer to this. Some venture out because of abuse, emotional or physical dissatisfaction, the excitement of something new or forbidden.  That is of course assuming the people involved are even aware of their actions at all.  I’ve heard of circumstances where they claimed it just happened unexpectedly.

I, myself, fell victim to such a case long ago.  Someone I dated had severe abandonment issues.  We had reached a VERY thoughtful level of communication, and according to her, even more satisfying physical interactions.  Yet, something within her, that I had no control over, made her feel inadequate and threatened by the world.  Unknown to me, initially, sex was a tool to ease anxiety and exercise control over the world; it was according to her “a woman’s way to feel empowered.” 

Still, as complicated as all these events might seem.  I often find myself searching for the common thread, driving trait or characteristic; something I can identify in a potential partner before trusting them.  I think that common thread lays hidden within our character flaws.  Something we all have, even those that do not cheat!  No one is perfect, indeed.  So I am left with no other choice but to trust slowly with time, hoping that my trust is well placed.  That is, if I intend to live and enjoy the company of another, I must be willing to take risks.

I can never know the contents of another’s mind.  All I can do is work on being the person I wish to attract.  Practicing integrity in all I do, continuing to work on my own short comings.  If I can’t find what I am looking for in another, then I can at least find what I am looking for within myself.