Hunger

I have been feeling a bit happier and ready to face the world this week.  So I started training in the gym again.  And I also decided to try and observe Uposatha.  But perhaps I’d set too many goals for myself.  But that was not about to stop me from trying.

Fasting is an important part of observing Uposatha, which is already hard for me to do without building an appetite in the gym.  I’ve always thought of myself of being at my most centered when I can manage my hunger for food.  Picture me like a bodybuilding Buddha walking a tightrope, while I flex my muscles along the way.  I smile and wink at you, just before I fall.

I did well (torturing myself) the whole entire day.  I just could not manage to hold the day gently and I kept grinding through the hunger pains.  But I didn’t touch a bite of food.  Then, I went to bed and fell asleep.  Sure enough, I started dreaming about food.  Hmm the smell of fried chicken and French fries dancing on my tongue like a ballerina. 

At this point it’s about 1am and I am obsessing over food.  I just could not hold it anymore.  I decided that the most compassionate thing to do was to go out and buy something to eat.  Ah!  I will live to try again next week.