Moderation

Moderaton

Noun

·        The avoidance of excess or extremes, esp. in one's behavior or political opinions.

·        The action of making something less extreme, intense, or violent.

Nothing could be more foreign to my life than moderation.  Since my years as a spoiled toddler, as my parents created a fantasy world, insulating me from our poverty, I have been extreme and intense.  Guided by smoldering passion, I have mostly brought impatience, greed, and inconsistency to what I do.  Leaving me with the task of trying to remain motivated, when experiences seem dull and flat, and that’s only when doing well!

Meditation and Uposatha have been no exception to this rule.  I have recently recovered from all sorts of unhealthy binging that took me away from observing.  But, I managed to keep up with my daily meditation Practice.  In order to do that I was forced to look deeply at what my practice was motivated by, without judgment.  That required levels of patience, generosity and courage that I didn’t even know I had in me.

Now, I am trying to return to my practice with a lighter touch.  Being careful to guard the tiny moments of joy I derive from the practice.  Constantly being vigilant of my actions, and not just to correct unskillful behavior, but also to be grateful when I do well.  For that is the very fuel of my practice, knowing that it makes me better, more skillful, brings me happiness.

Imagine that, after all these years of chasing after pleasure.  I am starting to become the very source of pleasure within myself, within my own skillful actions, and subsequent gratitude.  I just got to be careful with this whole moderation thing.  LOL! I need to be moderate in my approach to moderation.  After all, I am not going to change overnight.