Labyrinth

So often I have been faced with walls of silence.  Old karma writes on them with anxiety and delusion like graffiti.  I treat silence like my mortal enemy.  Worse yet, I create a labyrinth of stories with assumptions and conceit.  What in life is not uncertain?  That’s what we practice to seek.

Death is the ultimate uncertainty in life.  When will it come?  How will it feel?  Where will it lead?  But, some of us still manage to thrive within uncertainty.  Those that do, focus on what is known.  Building a foundation of truth regardless of whether it is pleasing or displeasing.  It is most often comfort and the inclination to seek it that betrays.

Yet, we cannot live without knowing any pleasure at all.  This is why virtue, gratitude and the joys of wholesome concentration are vital to anyone on the path.  I’ve spent so much time taking joy in painful things; I am still unraveling old stubborn habits.  Changing my tendency to clutch and hold pain, by learning to stay within the body and get out of the head.

I am facing many uncertainties during this day of Uposatha.  Ironic, as my practice improves I see more of what I fear in myself.  But my practice did not create this labyrinth.  My practice has only shown it to me, and how I create it.  Slowly I let the wisdom accumulate to discern how to dismantle it. Being grateful for my honesty and determination along the way.