Lifting

Last week I found myself inspired (during a thunder storm) to make parallels between strength training with the body, and strength training with the mind.  I found the combination to be poetic, personal, and spiritual.  Below you will find my account of the experience.  I hope you find it useful and inspiring.  May we all find the way to peace and happiness.

I was surrounded by two nebulous dust clouds; my hands, two dragons that spit hot chalk onto cold steel for grip. My biceps like fattened reptilian bellies, contracting and stretching. Sweat beading down my brow like red army ants responding to an intruder. I was on my 5th set of Deadlifts. I was preparing mentally, for a lift I had NOT committed myself too successfully, since the age of 25! I was staring down 495 pounds like if I was David, preparing for Goliath.

The gym went silent. Huge grey clouds gathered outside; lightning; then thunder. I lean in, and take one last deep breath. My lungs seemed to take an eternity to fill, taking long enough for my heart to hesitate. Hesitate, like yesterday, when a young boy at work searched for my name, and instead called me, Tio? (For your information that means Uncle.) I was stunned at his choice of words. I hesitated to respond. This was the same boy, who just the other day, I reprimanded, for not looking after his little sister, and leaving her alone. Why was he calling my Tio? What did this mean? I searched for answers in what seemed to take hours, but it was only a fraction of a second. His innocent eyes waited patiently for my recognition. The innocent heart within me experienced great trepidation.

The little boy in me is like a samurai. And my recognition of his words would be like a contract. Needless to say I did not take the boys words lightly, at all. It was as if I was getting a promotion, a new unofficial title. I took a deep breath, and bowed my head in silent recognition to the little boy. He seemed relieved, and I felt I had increased my own inner worth. For now I would be even more committed than ever before, to being a noble example to this young man for as long as my health lasts. Now, I have only to live up to his words.

All these thoughts rained over my mind this morning, in what must’ve taken only a second. My lungs were full, my mind gladdened, and my body rapturous. I grabbed hold of the weight firmly in my rough hands. Lightning struck synchronously as my legs pumped like pistons, contracting intensely! I dropped the weight. The thunder followed in applause. I completed my lift.

Follow the Rabbit

My entire life I have lived in comparisons to others.  How can I be more like my parents, siblings, friends, religious leaders, wealthy people, movie stars, popular people, on and on, into infinity.  I’ve been so caught up in my stories about others I’ve forgotten who I am.  Now, I enter a slow and gradual process of remembering through mindfulness.

First I must observe how I relate to experience, and unravel the riddles of “not-self.”  Meditation and skillful action serve as a mirror for constant reflection and self assessment.  After all, the actions I take and choose are fundamentally, who I am.  Furthermore, the best part about that truth, I can change, I can choose, I am the power, me, Dean!

Still, who the hell is Dean?  Who is this person I’ve hidden for so long?  The truth is I have no idea.  I’ve been trying too hard to be what I thought others wanted.  So, I need to familiarize myself with what I like, what I desire.  Now, there are a few basic things I do know about myself: I love a challenge, I don’t give up easily, and I want to be happy.  Knowing those three things is a dam good start!

I’ve been pretty obsessed with the idea of becoming a spiritual teacher or even a monk.  But all that would be putting the cart before the horse.  If, I’ve learned anything from Buddhism it is to focus on the causes of the desired result I wish to achieve, not the other way around.  Hell, even strength training and fitness have taught me that.  Skillful action (virtue), meditation (concentration), then be patient and watch what happens.  I am determined to find out where the Buddha’s path leads.  I suppose this means that I really want to become an Arahant.  But, will I be able to do what the path requires to achieve this in my lifetime?  I don’t know.  But, I do intend to find out.  “Curiouser and curiouser,” indeed my friends!

Latin@s Racism and Prejudice

Greed and aversion are what make the world go round.  Those that conquer are the ones to write history.  Being casualties themselves of greed and aversion, all their expressions encourage subjugation to defilements.  Prejudice, racism, poverty and war are all products of the corrupted heart.  We need not go further than our own heart to see this clearly.  Whenever we’ve become entangled with the “wantings” of the world, where did it lead?

All forms of available media (i.e. movies, internet, news, radio, popular music, etc…) serve the interests of wealth seeking corporations.  The only way most people have to entertain themselves and to know of the happenings in the world; are but cheerleaders of greed and aversion.  Yet, the choices we make allow us to be both victims and supporters ourselves.

My family grew up with little education, in poverty.  Their eyes and ears bombarded with images that conditioned them to have negative associations to what they are, people of color.  I love my family very much!  But they are all very prejudice, and not always in subtle ways.  Showing resentment for anything different, just as the world had done around them all their lives.  This made finding an identity complicated for me as an adolescent.  My siblings and I were darker skinned than most of my family.  Though they loved us well, it was clear that we reminded them of something they were trying to forget about themselves, or perhaps something already forgotten.

I imagine that my family circumstances as a Latino growing up must be common place.  At least in my experience, prejudice has been common amongst Latinos, or anyone in poverty.  Some lighter skinned Latinos see themselves as superior, and even closer to god.  I still struggle with forms of reverse racism that developed in my heart.  But hate for ourselves, or for those that hate us, solves nothing!!!

This is why I am so grateful for the Practice.  As I make progress I unravel the defilements in my heart.  Making it clear that I am not responsible for my family, or even for this world, I am responsible only for myself.  I don’t need to worry about what others think of me, or of what is happening in their minds.  Doing so would only dissipate the energy I need to look after myself, to make sure that my actions are clean and pure.  After all as Ghandi said “Be the change that you wish to see in the world.”

Powerful Practice!

“Brahmacarya for yogis, as stated in the Agni-Purana, embodies self-imposed abstention from sexual activity: fantasizing, glorifying the sex act or someone's sexual attraction, dalliance, sexual ogling, sexually flirtatious talk, the resolution to break one's vow, and consummation of sexual intercourse itself, with any being.” -Yogi excerpt from Wikipedia

I have recently started a new practice of abstaining from any and all sexual activity, mental, physical or verbal.  I observe this during the work week, Monday through Friday.  I take a breather, only if I feel like it, after work on Friday (or the weekend) and resume my Practice again Monday morning.  It has been challenging, but fruitful.  I’ve been doing this for about 3 weeks now.  I have only had a few minor mishaps.

I have noticed a few important things as I’ve done this.  Everything I touch with a pure mind and body has intensified 100 times fold.  My concentration, workouts, and meditations have all improved in almost super natural ways.  I am not exaggerating!  Sexual energy is a very powerful force when channeled into other endeavors.  Even sex itself has intensified in many ways whenever I choose to return to it.

I don’t think this type of practice is for everybody.  But, if you could start changing your relationship to sex in gentle ways, you will not regret the result, man or woman.  Changing my relationship to sexuality has opened many doors for me.  I am happy to say that I will continue with this practice.  I am excited to see where it leads me.